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Change of pace

I'm going to ask my psychiatrist when I see her on the tenth about weening me off of the Risperidone med she put me on. Its caused a huge weight gain, makes me tired and lazy, I'm always running negative thoughts through my mind, I'm severely paranoid all the time. I just feel like a fucking mess on it.
I'm hoping shell be okay with it after I tell her that. This was supposed to help me. Yeah. I don't think so.
I feel worse.

rubber bread

After subway announced it'll remove a rubber chemical from their bread, will you or would you eat there? I'm guilty of going to subway a few times. But not after this. Blech.

Mixed bag of feelings

I honest don't know how to feel tonight. I mean my day was fine just boring. But my depressing past from my old LJ account is still hurting me. I thought those people werey friends but they showed who they really are after they all deserted me. Some friends they turned out to be. God. So I'm still getting over deleting my old LJ and making this one. I had my last one for a year and had a lot of sentimental value to me. But it slowly turned negative the past few weeks and months. So I guess its better that I created a new journal.
One with a new slate and new life you know? Yeah this new LJ will have to grow on me. I hope it does. I love to write when I have something to share which is often. I'm glad I stayed with live journal.

I plan on having some errands to do next Monday when I get paid. Then I'll start saving up for a new lens for my camera. Yay. Just a couple more months of saving and I'll be able to buy it. I love photography. I just wish my anxiety surrounding it wasnt so bad.
It really makes it hard for me to enjoy it when I'm anxious about the people around me. But I'll learn to live with that.

I'm contemplating going with my parents to visit my mom a grandma for a new year dinner. I might go just so I can get some pictures of the city. I love photographing the city. I guess I'll go and eat some good food. I just don't get along well with my grandma. That's the problem I'm worried about. Ugh. What to do.

I am writing back my pen pal in Florida right now also. If anyone wants to be a pen pal let me know. I love writing letters to friends.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and go back to reading on my kindle and the book January First by: Michael Schofield. I used to love reading but haven't been reading much at all last few weeks. I guess I'm too depressed or tired.

support groups

A aspie Meetup friend referred me to this group www.dbsalliance.com
For people with bi polar, depression and mood disorders. I really hope this can help me and I can find a reason to live. I've had a horrible start to the year and need something to give me some hope and something to look forward too. They have a smaller weekend meeting every saturday at the alta bates hospital in berkeley. i can easily take BART there. Im going to give them a call tomorrow and ask about their saturday meetings and if i can go to my first one in a couple weeks when i have the money for train fare. im excited about this meetup and hope i enjoy it and go to more of them.
I was told by a good friend that aspies have a habit of focusing on the negative and become paranoid about people and their perceptions of me. That sounds about right.
I enjoy reading about mental illnesses. Although I haven't done much reading lately.
Been too depressed and angry with my life. Maybe tomorrow I'll start reading again. It used to be something I loved to do. Now I struggle to do read a chapter of a book.
At least I am writing in my journal that's a start. We all had to start somewhere.

in a couple weeks in February 9th im going to a aspergers meetup in san francisco's public library. i haven't been to one of these in a while. i enjoy them though and enjoyed my last apsie meetup at the library. im good friends with jim and janet fleming who usually attend these meetups. I also like the organizer Steven. hes a great guy and i like seeing him.

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Joke of the day:
Class trip to the coca cola factory. Hope there isn't a pop quiz.

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